First Date Dress Code: 5 Things No Man Should Ever Wear On A First Date

As a woman, I know it’s beyond hypocritical for me to sit here and tell you men what not to wear, especially when we have been trying to get the world to stop telling us females what to adorn our bodies with since the 1960’s. However, the world is a cruel, mean, tough place and if you don’t drive defensively you are going to get run over by a semi-truck. So, to avoid a major derailment on your first date, here’s five things you should never wear and why:

Flip Flops (Or Any Type Of Sandal)

I do not have a problem with feet. Feet are essential, you know, for walking around, but I do have a problem with sandals on men. (I'm not crazy about them on women either, but our general lack of toe hair and elevated, slender arch kind of makes it acceptable.) If you are a man over the age of 55 then you can wear sandals whenever you like, just not on a date. Even if you live in the blazing heat of Arizona, Texas or Mexico, there is no excuse for men to be wearing sandals on a date. Flip flops are the Florida of sandals and should only be worn poolside, beachside (lakeside is unacceptable) or in a hotel so that your feet do not touch the germ-filled floors.

Shorts

I understand that some people do not care about fashion. They prefer to dress functionally and that is that. Fine. I am all about doing whatever you want and living completely selfishly as if society does not exist. However, men wearing shorts is not only disrespectful to society, but it is physically repulsive. Men are gorgeous creatures, but their attractiveness is not peaking below the knees. I don't want to see your legs before I have even thought about taking your pants off. Larry David famously called a man's legs "grotesque" and he is 100% right. Thin, whisky leg hair tangles like a spiders web? No, thank you. Men can wear shorts while swimming or doing physical activity. Shorts are not for dates, unless you happen to find yourself on a yacht (in which case, we will forgive you; I mean, you own a yacht) or emerged in a body of water.

Your Phone On Your Belt

The only person who can pull off the phone on the belt thing is Dwight K. Schrute from The Office and he is a fictional character. Are you an on-call physician? An ambulance driver? A highly demanded psychic to the stars? Then why on earth would you need to clip your phone onto your belt as though it's an external organ you can't live without? Besides, all phones should be put on silent during a date anyhow. No one is that important, not even Obama.

Your Heart On Your Sleeve

There is a difference between being charmingly open and emotively disastrous. As I said before, life is defensive driving. I love it when you first meet someone and they tell you a really revealing and humorous story about themselves. It means they don't embarrass easy and have confidence. However, there's this fence and on the other side is Awkward Town and it's not a place you bring a date. Save that stuff for pillow talk down the line.

Your Years Of Emotional Baggage

We have all had our hearts stomped on by evil exes. That's how you know you are alive. But no one needs to hear about your rainbow of horrible relationships on a first date. Let the fantasy of you both being past-less ride out for as long as possible. Talking about how your last girlfriend cheated on you and now you don't trust women or how you still sleep with her underwear near your pillow is the emotional baggage you can wait to reveal. Also, using a first date to regain some attention or provoke jealousy from your ex is cruel and stupid. It won't work and now you'll have two women who hate you instead of one.

Source:askmen.com